Finding New Perspectives

Over a year since my last post on this blog, how time flies!

In the past year, I turned 50 and decided that actually, that was really a great milestone. People asking how old I am were met with 'I'm 50!' delivered with a big grin and the occasional yay!  A lot of the time, this was also met with an incredulous response, that I look younger and I'm firmly convinced that having a good time dancing around a few times a week is responsible for that.  I don't need a boyfriend or partner; I have great friends.  I'm okay!  And then I turned 51 and my health isn't so good, but I still have great friends and it's not going to stop me dancing!

XP and CG's plans have morphed; they have been working on the house renovation with a view to moving into it.  This is something I have struggled with; I've participated a little in the work, but XP would rather not work with me.  It uses our joint money, but I don't have much of a say in how it's spent.  I field calls from builders, but plans aren't discussed with me.  I have to trust that they are working towards our common good - a house which will tempt buyers and sell for a good price. In the meantime, CG and her daughter and dog have moved in, even though the bathroom isn't finished, there are no stairs and no kitchen, as it provides them with an escape from their own less-than-ideal situation. 

I feel a little jealous that I am left with the tatty, damp, cold cottage while the house becomes warm and comfortable, and to a higher specification than originally planned so that it could be sold.  The possibility that they could buy me out has been raised again.  As my and my ex's joint savings are going into refurbishment, I should look on it as an investment, hopefully raising the value of the property.  Soon I shall have the cottage as my own space, but it needs redecorating, at the very least, and I shall have to find my own money for that, although it seems unfair.  I still feel as though I'm in limbo. Perhaps redecorating and doing something with the back yard will give me a fresh perspective, help me to find myself again, assert my identity and feel more empowered.

It feels good to have a plan.  Now all I need is to find some time to implement it!