Feelings and Friends

A while ago, when my emotions were much more raw, I was so miserable and my heart was so heavy that it felt like a lead weight in my chest. I was finding it difficult to move, let alone dance.  Really, not good.  But I realised the world hadn’t ended, so I did some reading around to see how others get over a break-up and deal with the heartache.  It wasn’t very enlightening.  Most of the articles seemed to be aimed at teenagers getting over being dumped by the most recent love of their life after relationships lasting between two months and two years.  There were some articles on divorce, some on bereavement.  Most were long on platitudes and practical advice about lawyers and funeral arrangements, but short on how the dumped/divorced/bereaved could start to deal with the feelings themselves.

In amongst all the old clichés such as ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ and ‘time heals all wounds’ were little gems which always hold true.  Go and do something which makes you laugh and feel happy. Make time for your friends, whom you may have been neglecting.  And don’t bore your friends to death by talking about your relationship!

This is where you find out who your real friends are, because they are the ones who allow, and sometimes make you talk about your relationship. They listen patiently, make constructive suggestions and provide tea and sympathy. And as you talk and they comment, you start to deal with your feelings and put things into perspective. 

My friend J trained as a bereavement counsellor, and has been through a big break-up herself in the past.  She observed that after a long relationship, a break-up involves some of the same feelings as bereavement; you are grieving for your lost relationship.  She prompted and allowed me to talk things through and regain some objectivity.  And then encouraged me by commenting how much stronger I was becoming.

H supported me with compassion, empathy and healthy food.  What she said seemed to unlock something, so that it came out with my tears of anger, frustration and self-pity and left me feeling calmer and stronger.

Talking to A, who surely has enough troubles of her own, made me realise what a lifeline we are to each other.  It would be so easy just to crawl into your shell rather than face the world when you’re feeling bad, but then what?

R, also a counsellor, is on her second marriage and readily shared her experiences.  She coaches in a subtle way, carrying me along with plans for the future.

In fact, many friends just asked how I was doing and showed they cared.  It’s like a group of angels have spread their wings to buffer and support me.  My beautiful friends, thank you!