How do you stand it?

Someone asked me recently, ‘How do you stand it?  Still living with your XP, even allowing his girlfriend to come and stay!  Why don’t you leave?  Why don’t you kick him out?’

Well, the situation is bad enough without making it worse.  I can’t afford to leave, and anyway, why should I?  It’s my home too.  I can’t ‘kick him out’ – it’s his place too, and I can’t afford to buy him out.  It’s not as if XP and I are fighting and at each other’s throats all the time.  It’s as if this is just another stage in our long relationship – still friendly, but no longer intimate, not as close.

Of course, it’s not as if I’m indifferent.  My heart aches at the thought of leaving this place, where we had such plans.  It means I have to change my lifestyle, get a job (very difficult just here and now), find another place to live.  I was absolutely heartbroken to begin with, but in all of these things, there’s a choice.  Be miserable, or get happy.

It’s not always easy, either.  I frequently feel sorry for myself, lonely, left out and in need of a hug.  But causing friction by insisting CG doesn’t stay here wouldn’t make it any easier.  I don’t expect I would win an argument about it anyway, and would have to resort to antisocial behaviour, like playing my music loudly at 3 in the morning.  How would that help?  There’s enough spite in the world without me adding to it.

So I stand it by counting my blessings and looking at the positives.  For example, I still have a roof over my head.  XP did not go off with an 18 year old airhead.  CG is a cheerful, practical, friendly, intelligent woman only a few years younger than me.  And I find when she stays, I enjoy her company and XP is better company too.

It may not be ideal, but actually, it’s better than okay.